The Family Life Cycle

I really enjoyed learning about The Family Life Cycle this week. I had never really thought about the fact that families go through phases before, but after I read this section the concept made a lot of sense. There are typically seven stages in the life cycle of a family. The first of which is establishing a family; this is when a couple first gets married or first starts living together and figures out what it is like to live together. The next stage is enlarging the family, which is when couples first start having children and the beginning years of those children’s lives. Typically the children are not in school yet and are still learning basic things like talking and emotions. The third stage is developing a family, which is when the children get a little older and start entering school. For families that have many children or children that are far apart in age, these two phases can sometimes overlap. The fourth stage is encouraging independence which is when families encourage their children to develop their own interests an social networks. This stage typically occurs when the children are in high school or before they leave home. When the children do leave home and start their lives independent of their parents, is the next stage which is Launching Children. The “empty nest” or Postlaunching of Children stage occurs next. This is the stage where many couples have to figure out how to be a couple again without children. The final stage of the family cycle is the Retirement stage which is when couples no longer need to work full time.

Family relationships

Family is something that is extremely important to me. Family is the group of people that are always therefore you no matter what and through thick and thin. I do not necessarily think that family has to be related to you by blood. I come from a mixed family where I have step parents and siblings and adopted siblings and therefore look at family a lot different than a lot of my friends do. I am also extremely close with my extended family. Family should always be there for each other, support one another and love each other. In my eyes, family is not about buying each other things or material possessions; it is about love and support. It is going to soccer games and school shows and other things for you family, but also being there when you need someone to talk to or cry to. Because my parents are divorced, I have seen many different types of relationships. I saw my parents relationship slip from a devitalized marriage to a conflict-habituated marriage when I was younger. Now that my parents are divorced and both in other relationships I have seen much different sides. Both of them are now in total marriages. They are happy and love their partners but also have other interests. I feel like this is how relationships should be. You absolutely love your partner and look forward to being around them, but you also have your own interests and hobbies.

Conflict in Relationships

I thought the section on managing conflict effectively was really interesting in this chapter. No relationship is perfect and every relationship has problems and conflict. Sometimes managing these conflicts can be difficult and take time and effort. The severity of the conflicts in relationships can vary greatly. Sometimes it is a difference in opinion in something as small as the type of dishwasher detergent you like to use to something as big as one’s morals. If disagreements that arise from these conflicts are handled affectively by talking things out and coming to an agreement, then there is not necessarily a problem. When people let little conflicts build up the result can be fairly negative and lead to abusive relationships. In the United State abusive relationships are more common than people would like to think. When people enter an abusive relationship, for whatever reason, the relationship enters a fairly regular cycle. The couple is happy and in a honeymoon stage. Then something arises that causes tension to arise between the couple which leads to one person in the relationship to explode and abuse the other person. The abuser then feels remorse for what happened and tries to make things right which leads the couple back into the honeymoon stage.

Relationships

I have been in relationships where there has been love but no commitment and also where there has been commitment but no love. Both types of relationships can be hurtful and have a fairly negative impact on the lives of the people involved. Not every relationship is perfect and almost all relationships have rough patches, but having problems that persist for a long period of time can be harmful in the long run. I have been in relationships where there has been love but no commitment. I loved the other person a lot, but there was just no commitment. We would cancel plans on each other and not make time for each other but at the end of the day we still loved each other. This type of relationship took a toll on me and eventually it made me really sad and I am no longer friends with that person. I was not happy and would always be down on myself because of this relationship. I have also had the opposite of this relationship where there was commitment but no love. I think this is common type of relationship is common among of a lot of people. These relationships can have just as negative affect on you as on the people around you. My parents had this type of relationship before they got divorced. It was really hard on me and my brother and we could tell that they no longer loved each other. You could see my parents get increasingly unhappy and it made our family sad as a whole.

Online Deception

I think that it is completely unethical for people to lie about their appearance or other things about themselves in online profiles but I also think that people tend to lie more online than they do in person. There have been several famous cases where people have lied about who they are and things ended poorly. In the Megan Meir case, a young teenage girl was tricked into thinking that the mother of a classmate was a young attractive boy from a different school. The mother engaged Meir in a relationship and then later broke up with her. Meir had a history of depression and this incident dpcaused her grill herself. This cases highlights how someone was able to completely lie about who they are and cause massive problems. on the Internet there is no garuntee that people are who they say they areor exactly how they say they are. Studies have been conducted on the accuracy of on line dating profiles and the studies found that most people lied on at less one area of their profile. Because you may never meet these people and no one checks the accuracy, people are not held accountable for what they say.

Friendship Pressures

A concept that I found interesting this week was the pressures placed on friendships. No relationship is perfect and even the best and most healthy relationships have problems. I found it interesting to be able to put a name to the problems that I have had with my friends in the past. I never really thought about the fact that there would be a difference between internal and external pressures. This obviously made sense but it was never something I had thought about before. The three internal pressures are relationship dialects, diverse communication styles and sexual tensions. Problems will arise with relationship dialects when people want different things out of one relationship. Problems can also arise when two people come from much different backgrounds and therefore cannot always understand why people act or think a certain way. The last internal problem is when sexual tensions arise between the two people in the relationship. There are also external pressures which include competing demands, personal changes and graphic distance. Competing demands would be when one person in the relationship has other responsibilities that take up a large amount of time and leave little to no time for their relationship. Problems can also arise when people do things that make some form of change in their lives. The last problem is when the two people do not live near each other. When you are not able to see a friend on a regular basis it is hard to maintain a relationship.

Friendships

Any friendship takes time and effort in order to survive. Both people in any relationship need to be willing to work to create a healthy and successful relationship. Most people have those friends that they have been friends with forever, those friends that they grew apart from, those friends that they meant and became friends with instantly and those old friends that you are no longer close with for a reason. One of my best friends is someone I have known since I was in kindergarten. When we were younger, we were not very close, but by the time we got to middle school we were best friends. Ever since then, we go through periods of being around each other a lot and being busy with other things, but one fact remains the same; we always make time for each other and we could go to each other with anything. She and I tell each other everything, including the things that we do not necessarily want to hear. Sometimes this creates tension, but it also brings us closer and has caused us to really trust each other. If she never told me I did something wrong, then I do not think we would be as close as we are now. I also trust her with anything. I know that if I tell her something, she will not go and tell other people; which is something I have learned by being friends with her for so long.

Confirmation

This chapter was very helpful in acknowledging the different types of confirmation. Recognition is the lowest form of confirmation and basically means that you just acknowledge that the other person is alive. The next form is acknowledgement which means that one acknowledges other people’s feelings and thoughts. The highest form of confirmation is endorsement which occurs when someone not only acknowledges someone else’s feelings and thoughts but also accepts them. These three ideas can be used to describe people or ideas. You confirm a person but not endorse a particular idea they believe in or you cannot confirm a person but endorse a certain idea they have. I have found it difficult to confirm people that I disagree with in the past. I have been looking back at certain situations I have been put in and realized that I have not confirmed certain people because I disagree with them on some level. I feel like moving forward I will be able to distinguish between the person and idea.

Feeling Rules

I thought the concept of feeling rules was particularly interesting one to me this week. I had never really thought about how the way people feel would change from culture to culture. People in the United States view what is right to feel in a different way than say people in Germany. You could go even further and say that people in different parts of the United States feel differently. I never really thought about this until I read this section. I never really thought about if you grew up in a culture where individualism is valued you would act and feel differently than if you grew up in a culture that values overall community. I also thought it was interesting how much feeling rules affect our social structures. Feeling rules really enforce our social values and expression of negative values. Feeling rules also include deep acting and surface acting, which parents have a huge part in molding. Deep acting is how we feel about things whereas surface acting is how we outwardly express those feelings. For example, when a child receives a compliment, how they feel about it would be the deep acting and what they say as a result would be the surface acting.

Feelings and Fallacies

There are many ways that people do not communicate their feelings in an effective way. One way is by expressing their feelings in a very general way. This would be like saying you feel bad about something when you are really feeling a more specific feeling. Another way is not taking ownership for what you are truly feeling. This is basically blaming other people for what you are feeling. Instead of say that something someone did cause you to feel angry, you would say they make you feel angry. The last ineffective way to express feelings is to say things that make it sound like you are expressing emotion, but you are not actually saying how you feel. I think I am a victim of expressing my feelings in very general terms and saying things that sound like they express feeling but really do not. I am always saying I feel bad about something or I am happy about something, but I am never more specific than that. I also tend to say things like “can you please leave me alone.” I think that I could definitely fix both of these things. As far as being more specific goes, I think if I were to just make sure I am not using broad words like bad or happy I could be more specific and fix this problem. I think saying exactly what I am feeling is going to be more difficult because when I am flustered or frustrated or irritated I have a hard time expressing that.

Listening

Listening is something everyone does on a daily basis; it is something that is naturally and we have been doing since we were babies. If you take a step back and think about listening, you will probably realize it is something you are not great at. We also suffer from engaging in pseudolistening, selective listening and monopolizing the conversation. Everyone’s favorite topic is themselves and it is so much easier to just talk about yourself rather that actually listening to someone else and talking about them. Though once you realize that your listening skills could use some help, there are ways to improve. One thing you can do is judge the content of what someone is saying, not how someone says something. This way you are actually understanding what they are saying and judging their thoughts. Another thing you can do is not interrupt. Sometimes when you are having an intense conversation you cannot help but interrupt, but that is not good. You are interrupting someone’s thoughts and not allowing them to make their whole point. Another really important thing to do is listen out for the main idea the other person is trying to present and not the details. That way you are understanding what they are saying as a whole and not nitpicking the details.

Nonlistening

I think everyone has probably engaged in one or all of the types of nonlistening at some point in their lives. I feel like when people get on comfortable or bored or distracted they become less attentive and tend to engage in nonlistening. I know that when I have a lot on my mind or I am really busy I tend to engage in pseudolistening or selective listening. Because I have so much going on in my head I kind of tune people out or only listen to parts of what they are saying. When this happens I normally realize I am doing it at some point and I normally just focus extra hard or excuse myself from the situation. When I do try and focus on the conversation, I push everything else from my mind and focus on what is happening in front of me. I also tend to engage in monopolizing when I get uncomfortable. Everyone’s favorite subject is themselves and that is who I talk about when I get uncomfortable. When these situations occur, I worry about the conversation dyeing down or stopping, so I kind of just talk.  To overcome this, I will try and focus more on the other person and what is being said instead of focusing on what could happen.

The United States as a High Schol

The melting pot is what the Unites States has traditionally been referred to as; a blending of many cultures into one unified culture. Some now believe that this is not the most accurate term for our country and that our country should have a metaphor that more accurately shows off all the different cultures in our country. I do not know if I agree with this. Our country’s culture is comprised of many different cultures and that is what makes our country’s culture. That is exactly what a melting pot is, a blend of a lot of different things. Though many different cultures do thrive in the United States and do contribute to our culture, there is still a culture all of its own. I would almost use a high school to describe our country. There are a lot of different cliques and groups that make up one school. There are some that are more involved or have more school spirit than others, but in the end they all belong to one group and go to that school.

Symbols...

Symbols are abstract words that represent something else. Everything is a symbol. My name is a symbol for me. Kappa Delta is a symbol for my sorority and everything my sorority stand for. Basically everything is a symbol. The words are considered arbitrary and ambiguous, but the meaning is what is great and matters. Symbols are arbitrary because they have no true connections to what they stand for. Why is a closet called a closet or a wallet called a wallet? There is no true reason but that is what those objects are called. The name may not have a lot of meaning but we all know what they mean. If you were to ask someone where the bus is, they would understand. Though the general meaning is known, the specific meaning is not, that is why symbols are ambiguous. The meaning of a best friend to me is different than a best friend to someone else. Symbols are all around us and have a lot of meaning.

Identity Scripts

I found identity scripts very interesting in this week’s reading. They are basically the rules and guidelines that define who we are and how we act as a person and the roles we maintain. The book states that most of these roles are defined by the age of five, but can be reviewed and changed as an adult. Often, children are given certain expectations by their parents, which develop into the child’s identity script. This means that to a certain extent, parents really form identity scripts. Identity scripts determine how we view everything and ourselves. Having the belief that you are expected to go to college would be an identity script. Not everyone has that expectation and is something that is normally determined by your parents. For example, my parents have always expected me to college and normally just explained that was how things worked. I have known I was going to go to college since I was little and when I was little I would get confused if someone hadn’t gone to college. That is an identity script for me.

Race

Race is a term used to describe someone based on their ethnicity and appearance. It is a huge factoring in deciding ones identity. Race is used to classify people, though it is not always helpful. Since the United States is considered a melting pot of many different cultures and heritages, it is extremely common for someone to come from multiple backgrounds. When this occurs, how do you classify this person? Say an Irish woman and Chinese man were to have a child, is this child considered white or Chinese? This is where the debate starts. I believe the US Census Bureau should allow people to check more than one race for themselves. Race is something unique to every individual and I think people should be allowed to show this. In the US we encourage acceptance and diversity, therefore we should allow people to own their diversity. Allowing people to do this would make people feel more confident in who they are and really allow them to accept themselves.

Communication Relationships

Interpersonal communication has different levels; I-It, I-You and I-Thou. Relationships tend to start as I-It or I-You relationships and some evolve to I-Thou, though some never pass that stage. I-It relationships tend to between people who we see occasionally and do not really connect emotion or worth to. These are the lowest form of relationships in a sense. I-You is basically the next step in relationships and the most common type of relationship. These are the relationships we have with classmates or teammates, people we see often at the grocery store or workplace friends. You treat these people civilly and acknowledge them as individual people. Then there are I-Thou relationships. These are the most intimate type of relationship. This would be your best friend, significant other or a close family member. These are the people you are truly yourself around and can share things with.

            In my life, the people I see in class but do not talk to or even acknowledge. An I-You relationship would be someone I see and talk to in class but not outside. An I-Thou relationship I have would be my roommate or mom who I share everything with.

A look into one of my relationships...

A little over a year ago, I moved from a smaller town in Northern California to San Jose for school. I was a little freshman who knew absolutely no one, was on her own for the first time and had no idea how she was going to find a place to fit in this huge school of 30,000 students. Luckily, I had a cousin who lived in the area who invited me to dinner as soon as I moved in and I obviously went because I knew NOONE. When I went to her house for dinner, she talked to me about joining a sorority. She had been in one when she was in high school and explained to me it was a great way to meet people and that I should go through recruitment. She also explained to me that if I went through recruitment, I was not obligated to join a house if I didn’t like it. I was a little bit weary of the idea, but researched it anyways. After I looked into everything, I decided to go through recruitment and it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. I meant so many people and meet people that I now consider some of my best friends. You have to know that when you become a member of a sorority, you automatically become friends with 74 other women; you may not become close with all of them but you are friends with all of them.

            Being thrown into all of these relationships within a 5 day period is a lot to take in, but you naturally become closer with certain people. A few weeks after I joined, I became friends with a girl in my house who we will call Natalie. When we first met we were definitely a I-You relationship. We would hang out a lot and talk about most things but there were obviously subjects we both avoided. I did not open up about my family situation or extremely personal things, but we would talk about things going on in our sorority or classes, what we did over the weekend and things like that. Now she is one of my best friends. We now have an I-Thou relationship. She is someone I can tell anything to and call at any time of the day if I need something and she is the same way with me. I can complain about something that is bugging me and know she will not tell anyone and she can do the same thing with me. We also do pretty much everything together. We go to the gym together, the grocery store together, the bookstore together, pretty much everywhere together. I would say that is the biggest difference in our relationship. We went from being friends that talk and hang out to friends that can talk about anything together and will be there for each other no matter what.

Thanks for reading!
-C

Linear v Interactive Communication Models

The linear model of communication explains communication as a one way interaction. This model explains that when you speak to someone there is a series of acts (message, signal, noise, received signal and destination) that together make up an interaction between active participants. This model has major flaws in that it looks at communication as a one way interaction opposed to an interaction between two or more parties, where all parties are participation in the interaction. It also explains that sending a message (speaking) and receiving a message (listening) or two separate acts. I kind of think of this like a webinar or video blog. The speaker sends a message and then later the listener receives the message and the speaker does not take into feedback or anything. Also the listener can misinterpret the message because of outside distractions that the speaker would never take into consideration.

Though the interactive was far more complete than the linear model, it still had the same flaw as the linear model in that it showed sending and receiving a message as a sequence instead of happening simultaneously. This model showed interaction as almost a circular process where the as the speaker sends a message to the receiver, the receiver interprets it and gives feedback, but it still showed this as a process and not as something that happens at the same time. This model also forgot to take into account how people interact differently with different people. You speak to someone you know very well differently than you speak to someone you work with and this model does not take these things into account. I think of this model of interaction almost like a classroom interaction. A teacher speaks to the class and the class receives the message, but the teacher is able to take in the feedback from the class. If the class looks excited they can continue on that subject, but if the class looks like they may fall asleep they can try to change things up.

The biggest difference in these two models is that the interaction model takes into account the feedback the speaker receives from the listener while the linear model does not. It is like the differences in the examples I listed above. In a video blog the speaker cannot take into account the listeners reaction where as a teacher can.

Thanks for reading :)

Hi All (I know this is late)

So, this whole blogging thing is completely new to me and I am pretty confused but trying to learn.

But in the mean time here is a little bit about my self:
I am a sophomore Communication Studies major.
I decided to go into Communications after I worked as an intern in the Public Information Office of a school district for almost a year.
I currently work and try to do internships as often as possible.
I love volunteering and being envolved in my community and school.
I also loving crafting and baking... I know I sound like a a huge girly girl but I also love sports (specifically the San Francisco Giants and Alabama football... roll tide).

I am excited to figurem this whole blogging thing out!